The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.
To the world, the narcissist seems like a charming, enigmatic person who is charged with energy and passion. The overt narcissist comes across a bit cocky, but overall they seem attractively confident and friendly. The covert ones might seem smart and complicated, over-achievers and go-getters.
But inside, they are wrought with deep insecurity that they portray as false confidence. They have to overcompensate for their lack of real confidence by exhausting themselves to show the world they are worthy. These are people in everyday life climbing the corporate ladder to impress and to be adored. They are also soccer mom’s who are desperate for affection or for you to know their kid is in the honor roll again this year while playing an instrument and 5 different sports.
Like a wolf, they are predatory. They seek their prey and pounce -victims are usually someone who seems truly confident, empathetic, successful, genuine and authentic, honest and trustworthy (all character traits they do not possess and therefore want to steal) Once they have you hooked with romance and false promises, they start to show you their true colors. There are many tests during this phase to see just how empathetic you are. They tell you about their childhood and gain sympathy - they tell you about something they wish they were better at - only for you to compliment them. They are constantly seeking recognition and praise.
After some time, they start to remove the wool and abuse occurs. Either they cheat on their spouse, they physically abuse, they criticize in an intentionally hurtful way. This can range from minor to extreme, depending on their perception of how much you will take. They lash out for many reasons. Either they weren’t getting enough attention, they were criticized, or you pointed out something they were doing wrong, or they are just bored.
During the relationship, they use every single thing they learn against their victim. They will remember something you told them in confidence just to throw it in your face during an argument. They enjoy criticizing others as it feeds them. They enjoy getting into arguments they know they will win. They love being seen as RIGHT.
Narcissists are easily bored and usually have multiple supplies of victims. They may be married and cheat, they may have a job where they lied on their resume and could get fired any day, they may be taking major risks with finances allowing their best friend’s company to go bankrupt. They have very little patience for other people and do not take responsibility for any failure. If they are caught, they will go to the ends of the earth to lie and gain sympathy. Many times their excuses feel like they could be real and the cycle continues. Either way, the person on the other end feels like they are going insane.
At some point, depending on how bad it gets and how much the victim’s push back, the full grown wolf comes out and there is not putting that wool back on. The victim has reached rock bottom and is exposing them. Sometimes this results in an excruciating and sometimes violent end.
This is not recommended. If you are trying to expose a narcissist, they will do just about anything to keep up their disguise. Some are psychopathic and will risk it all. It is always better to disengage and escape. No one has benefitted by waiting to see what a wolf can do if they are threatened.
There are obviously different kinds and spectrums to the intensity of narcissistic traits, but it is not to be played with. Wolves are dangerous and they do not care who they hurt. It is kill or be killed. A key trait in someone who truly has NPD is lack of empathy. They do not care at all about other people. They are their ONLY care in the world - nothing else matters. They will move from city to city and start over if it means they can keep destroying and find people who will put up with it. They cannot change.
If you relate to this and want to set up a consultation, please reach out.