Stop being the rescuer!

As an empathetic person, you are likely trying to rescue someone in your life. Whether that is your parent, your friend, or your significant other. Codependency is common when you are born into a family without boundaries and can lead to becoming a rescuer in adult life. The narcissistic person will seek for you to rescue - absolutely. They don’t realize they are doing this, they are incredibly lacking in self-awareness. However, it is important to be aware of this and avoid trying to rescue those who are not seeking any kind of self-help (except you).

How do you avoid this?

Set boundaries. The narcissist doesn’t have boundaries, they only have control mechanisms. They will implement “boundaries” to frustrate you and make you struggle and become reliant upon them. Many times they use sex and their time to manipulate you and make you seem desperate. If you set boundaries, they will become frustrated and likely lose interest. KEEP going.. this is like a parasite losing its food and its dying off! They will flail, try to love-bomb you, but do not fall for it. The abuse cycle will inevitably come right back around.

Be self-aware and trust your gut. This takes a lot of practice. Be patient with yourself, but be aware when you have a bad feeling about something or someone.

Take note of your best qualities. Those are going to be the ones the narcissist wants to learn from. They will force you to showcase them so they can copy and learn how to fake it for the next victim.

You cannot change the narcissist. Ever. Do not try, it will take everything you have and you will be left with nothing. No one has ever said “I stuck it out for 20 years and he finally stopped abusing and manipulating me!”

Love yourself. No matter how much you love others, you will not be able to go back in time and make your parent give you the love you deserved. As difficult as that sounds, it is true. You have to learn to be your own best friend, to treat yourself how you would have wanted to be treated.